I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk is not a location!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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