Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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