i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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