he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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