I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
