Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
