well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize