He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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