why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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