We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
