I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
