she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
