me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She bit a glass in half.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
