I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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