I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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