I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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