help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
