I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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