My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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