i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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