Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
