please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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