I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
