can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
