i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
