Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize