So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
