it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
