So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize