she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
