It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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