As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
