after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
