last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
