Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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