the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
