its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
