Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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