there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize