Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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