so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
