Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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