The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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