I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
