He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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