I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
