We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
