My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
