So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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