he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
