he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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