this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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