So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sorry about my life...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
