I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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