there's paper in my vomit.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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