Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
