Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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