So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
