i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
These tits shall not be calmed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
