Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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