Moan for me like Helen Keller
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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