I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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