i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
