If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
