omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize