i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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