i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
