I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
