i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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