I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
