I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
