i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
