remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
