remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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