Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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