when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
