I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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