Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
