Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
