he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
