I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
