I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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