I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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