soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish you could order shots online.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
