i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize