she was so not down for the gang bang
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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