Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
