I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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