I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
