he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the day after is always just damage control
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
