she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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