What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
