She is in my trunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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