I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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