The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
