There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
